jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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