stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
