I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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