My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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