I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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