either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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