Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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