Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
