I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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