she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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