my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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