Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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  (818): i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick http://tfl.nu/avb9
  Replies (4) Good night (601) Bad night (1351)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum

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  (503): Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum http://tfl.nu/wrcg
  Replies (26) Good night (4660) Bad night (611)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.

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  (616): every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2. http://tfl.nu/pgp8
  Replies (10) Good night (3934) Bad night (719)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9883) Bad night (2298)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.

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  (480): I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly. http://tfl.nu/a7gl
  Replies (10) Good night (3628) Bad night (1457)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.

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  (570): In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/ifkh
  Replies (20) Good night (1663) Bad night (4846)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.

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  (757): The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was. http://tfl.nu/n6wn
  Replies (3) Good night (2353) Bad night (1154)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

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  (941): I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now http://tfl.nu/pfr6
  Replies (5) Good night (1352) Bad night (757)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2778) Bad night (737)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.

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  (615): We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably. http://tfl.nu/c0bc
  Replies (3) Good night (1920) Bad night (571)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!

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  (308): Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable! http://tfl.nu/qvqx
  Replies (6) Good night (883) Bad night (338)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

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  (515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (347)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No this is saxophone Chris

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  (804): Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris? (215): No this is saxophone Chris http://tfl.nu/wuq2
  Replies (10) Good night (1356) Bad night (364)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon

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  (480): The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon http://tfl.nu/h5eu
  Replies (0) Good night (246) Bad night (493)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.

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  (617): reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times. http://tfl.nu/epvb
  Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (192)

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