Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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