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you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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