Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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