Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend