Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO