Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (98) Good night (32864) Bad night (1526)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.

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  (937): What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease. http://tfl.nu/nyp8
  Replies (97) Good night (1400) Bad night (2983)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.

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  (254): Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes. http://tfl.nu/elqh
  Replies (11) Good night (779) Bad night (5678)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

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  (617): ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day... http://tfl.nu/iy3f
  Replies (13) Good night (1212) Bad night (4748)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

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  (717): We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation. http://tfl.nu/p6jv
  Replies (43) Good night (1389) Bad night (4634)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.

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  (315): I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night. http://tfl.nu/7th0
  Replies (9) Good night (4624) Bad night (1936)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits

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  (860): Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits http://tfl.nu/8x16
  Replies (8) Good night (1106) Bad night (681)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.

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  (850): I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/659e
  Replies (12) Good night (2474) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  I thought I could.

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  (623): You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!' (1-623): I thought I could. http://tfl.nu/l4oh
  Replies (4) Good night (3259) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.

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  (601): I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work. http://tfl.nu/dzc4
  Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (347)
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  (408): View more from California

  We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.

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  (408): We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate. http://tfl.nu/d3a6
  Replies (0) Good night (318) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress

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  (701): Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress http://tfl.nu/1hn4
  Replies (9) Good night (1228) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am

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  (847): Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am http://tfl.nu/mhm6
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again

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  (479): And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again http://tfl.nu/1sbj
  Replies (4) Good night (256) Bad night (123)

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