yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
