its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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