I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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