i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
