We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
