CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
