There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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