this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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