i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I sprained my soul last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
