hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
