Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its not stalking. its research.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
