sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
