she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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