I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this will be a night to untag.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
