I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
