i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
