I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
