chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I looked at my own cervix.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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