just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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