Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you never un-have a 4some
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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