; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
