Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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