i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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