This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
