I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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