I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize