i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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