I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize