I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
