I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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