i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
