I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
