Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
