Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
