he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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