Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
