is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
