Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just forgot I was standing up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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