Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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