That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
