As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
