Banned from zoo.
Again?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize