I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
