Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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