I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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