direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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