omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
