i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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