Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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