If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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